The Definition of My Daily Burden

**I know people will worry when they read this. I'd like to say that I have no current plan to kill myself. Please don't freak out or commit me.**


they always say how they wanted to kill themselves and no one knew.
maybe that was true, at one point for me.
but how could you not know?
like, how could you possibly not know?
i want to tell people. i want it to be a part of me. It is a part of me. But a part that no one is allowed to know.
Because that would be weird. Strange. Awkward. Freaky.
I’d be judged. people wouldn't get it. They'd judge. I’d be that girl.
Things would invariably change. You would never view me the same way.
Think of it. Think of me. What else do you see? The same person, yes? But you'll never forget. And if you're one of those people, you'll judge. You'd never understand.
The pain. The sorrow. The loneliness. The utter desperation of being alone and devastated and never seeing any way out.
The constant desire to achieve an end to all your pain. The daily urge - that’s not the right word. it’s not strong enough - to end it all. It would be so easy. All I have to do is jump off the bridge. I think about it all the time. I know someday I will. I know it in my heart. Each day until then is a reprieve. No. That’s not right. Each day is a burden. Each day is just another day in the way of the end goal.
I will kill myself eventually. I know I will. I will probably jump off the bridge. I can’t see any way out.